wait and see

if you look closely at him today, you may catch him smiling to himself, or notice the hint of a goofy grin wriggling to escape to the surface of his person. his smile is not from a joke or amusing anecdote, though it could make for a nice story in years to come. he's not recalling a funny incident, or scheming up a practical joke. and he's not crazy - at least, he's pretty sure he isn't.

he smiles. mostly on the inside, but sometimes can't quite keep it from showing on the outside. he smiles because he's happy.

he might well have reason to be unhappy - there was the confirmation of a traffic infringement fine and associated demerit points a few days back, and that incident last night where his car was hit by two eggs, seemingly propelled with some deliberate force by persons unknown, while driving home. and things are not perfect at home, at church, with friends, and family... and the future is still quite uncertain.

of course there have been positives too - helping a friend celebrate their 21st birthday, and another couple their engagement, during the weekend. an enjoyable and entertaining korean movie last friday, and good conversations before and after that. other good conversations and prayer in the next day. and this morning, having a recurring problem with the car alarm identified and finally fixed.

but mostly he's happy because he can't help feeling that way... he's happy because God is good. he's found himself wrestling with a specific issue of late, and doing a fair bit of thinking, both by himself and with the thoughts, opinions, and counsel of a few close friends. though wrestle might not be the best word... since it hasn't seemed that hard. he's been wary of depending on himself and his own abilities, motives, and wisdom, and hence tried to bring the problem before the Lord in prayer, and sought the advice of trusted people. and he feels quite at peace with the ensuing decision. "trust and obey, for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus, than to trust and obey." no doubt the trust and obedience is flawed and at best imperfect, but he's feeling a quiet sense of joy and contentment from the attempt.

the decision? asking a friend about the possibility of venturing into a more-than-friends relationship.

the response? wait and see...