Friday, January 21, 2005


there's nothing like a bout of tangible, tense-your-muscles, squirm-in-your-seat physical pain and discomfort to take your mind off the emotional kind. i had my dad work some of his skills on my back and neck earlier tonight - apparently i have a couple of lumps in my neck which are giving me trouble. and the bonus prize is i'm probably going to be sore for the next few days??!! hrm....

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i hate the way i've been feeling the last couple of days. it's not a new sensation, just one that recurs every now and then. i hate the dejection and self-doubt that creeps in as a result of the way (i perceive) i am treated by a certain person. i feel like i want to give up. give in. throw my hands in the air in exasperation and walk away, never to return.

but i can't. or maybe i'm just not willing to. not now... not yet.

it hurts because i care. perhaps too much so.

thus am i compelled to persevere.

if it all works out in the end it will be worth it.

if it doesn't, i think i need to know that at least i tried my best. the rest is in God's hands.

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on a more positive note, i found out today that i'm into the final straight with my last major job application. it's a "don't go quitting your present job yet, but you'll be getting an offer pending some final integrity checks" type of deal. final result still some weeks away, but boy am i glad to see some light in that there tunnel... i just hope it's the exit ;)

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