ill-logical

(lest anyone errantly conclude that i'm a frequent consumer of hollywood tabloidism, let me just clarify that i came across this bit of "news" via an information security mailing list :p)

so paris hilton has her blackberry hacked and the perp is reading her emails, and a someone (the source of this news) had this to say about it: "She was pretty upset about it. It's one thing to have people looking at your sex tapes, but having people reading your personal e-mails is a real invasion of privacy."

what i want to know is, what's so "ok" about people having a front row seat to your sexual activities - how is that *not* an invasion of privacy??!! but i suppose that there are some in this world of ours who perhaps have no qualms with exhibitionism... and perhaps those who make such tapes never really intend for them to stay all that private...

*wince*

there's nothing like a bout of tangible, tense-your-muscles, squirm-in-your-seat physical pain and discomfort to take your mind off the emotional kind. i had my dad work some of his skills on my back and neck earlier tonight - apparently i have a couple of lumps in my neck which are giving me trouble. and the bonus prize is i'm probably going to be sore for the next few days??!! hrm....

- - - - -

i hate the way i've been feeling the last couple of days. it's not a new sensation, just one that recurs every now and then. i hate the dejection and self-doubt that creeps in as a result of the way (i perceive) i am treated by a certain person. i feel like i want to give up. give in. throw my hands in the air in exasperation and walk away, never to return.

but i can't. or maybe i'm just not willing to. not now... not yet.

it hurts because i care. perhaps too much so.

thus am i compelled to persevere.

忍

if it all works out in the end it will be worth it.

if it doesn't, i think i need to know that at least i tried my best. the rest is in God's hands.

- - - - -

on a more positive note, i found out today that i'm into the final straight with my last major job application. it's a "don't go quitting your present job yet, but you'll be getting an offer pending some final integrity checks" type of deal. final result still some weeks away, but boy am i glad to see some light in that there tunnel... i just hope it's the exit ;)

1 down, 4 to go...

well... 4 more that i *know* of at the moment anyway! who knows if any others might pop up during the year! it's bringing to mind the "wedding march" of some 16 months ago - actually looking back at that entry, i was having trouble remembering who one of those couples mentioned is in real life! shocking memory of mine... *sigh*

anyways. saturday was a fairly full on day, running here and there and generally occupied with one thing or another. it was warm, and the decision to ditch my suit jacket was a quick one. the wedding itself was nice, lots of smiles all round. i saw her again, and this time there was recognition and even a brief "hey", but that was about the extent of our interaction. the reception was held at a function centre, with the actual catering done by the groom's family (and friends?) - mostly indian fare which is a change from most wedding dinners i've attended!

3 months till the next in the queue... :)

"calculating corporate marketing science"?

call me a cynic, but there's something about this article (A symphony of giving, but the trumpet blowing's a bit overdone) that strikes a chord about all the supposed altruism and philanthropy that's been going around and widely reported. i didn't watch the concert/telethon, but i did watch the special one day cricket match a few days later. sure enough, there was plenty of trumpet blowing there too.

food for thought...

opportunity cost... investment of time

so i missed out on round two of the feast and fireworks fest by the crew with too much money to burn. not because i couldn't go, but because i chose not to. not because i didn't want to, but because there was something else i wanted to do. the quality of company wins out over good food or entertainment any day :) and i guess i do see the time i spent as an investment - making a small deposit which may not be very substantial or special in any other way, but which if the investment pays off will be worth every single cent.

although... it wasn't all that black and white. i did get to see the fireworks away from the others (and actually much closer to the source) - pity it was raining and rather windless, which meant i struggled to take decent pics through the car windscreen (or risk getting the camera too wet), and that the smoke hung around a lot more rather than dissipating. and my family brought back some of the leftovers from dinner, so i get to sample the fare too :p

hey this is almost sounding like a win-win scenario! lol... (pun and hidden meaning entirely intended, not that anybody else reading this would have much of an idea what i'm going on about! oh well... when i look back in 5 years' time maybe i'll smile a wistful smile at this... hehe)

drop in the ocean

after more than a week of relative ignorance and shelteredness (i don't tend to get/seek much in the way of news, be it local or global), and tossing up doing something about the damage wreaked by the quake/tsunamis, i've finally decided to give to/via samaritan's purse. it may only be a drop, but it's a basic building block of an ocean.

other channels you may wish to consider if you're so inclined:

• World Vision
• Tear Australia

of course there are other well known relief/charity organisations out there, but i'm talking about the wrapping of the gospel in a sandwich... or blanket... or bandaid etc.

fresh beginnings?

another year gone... and it is with some relief that i say goodbye to 2004 - in some (perhaps many?) it has been a rather tumuluous annus horribilis. then again i'm reminded that the passing of one year to the next is no different from any of the other 364 ticks of the clock from 23:59:59 to 00:00:00 of a typical calendar year. i'd be a fool to think that the days ahead will be any better, based merely on the premise that the least significant digit in the year has advanced by one.

time to leave the past behind, though not forgetting the lessons learnt and mistakes to avoid repeating. the scars will stay, but the sins have been forgiven in and through Christ. it's time for a new day, a new morning...

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."
-- Lamentations 3:22-24