new taste like deja vu

the new taste is for toothpaste...

the toothpaste i've been using for what seems like forever, has run out. and it's no longer available in the shops. sometimes change should be embraced, but in this instance, i don't want for my mouth to feel strange every time i brush my teeth with the "new" taste and texture of a different toothpaste. i suppose that after some time, when i've grown accustomed to whatever it is i switch to, the memories of brushing with my current toothpaste will have faded away. and by then, all of this will seem so trivial! (more so than it already is?? :p)

- - - - -

the deja vu is for the blurry rushing...

another morning of waking up, checking the time, and realising i'm supposed to be at work in under 10 minutes... so i turn up, again at about the usual time, only to find that the main piece of software that eveyone here uses, is down. oh well, all the more time to finish my breakfast :) hmm just checked again and it's back, so i guess no more loitering around here for me!

What I Thought I Wanted

Tuxedo in the closet, gold band in a box
Two days from the altar she went and called the whole thing off
What he thought he wanted, what he got instead
Leaves him broken and grateful

I passed understanding a long, long time ago
And the simple home of systems and answers we all know
What I thought I wanted, what I got instead
Leaves me broken and somehow peaceful

I keep wanting you to be fair
But that�s not what you said
I want certain answers to these prayers
But that�s not what you said

When I get to heaven I�m gonna go find Job
I want to ask a few hard questions, I want to know what he knows
About what it is he wanted and what he got instead
How to be broken and faithful

What I thought I wanted
What I thought I wanted
What I thought I wanted
What I thought I wanted

Staring in the water like Esops foolish dog
I can�t help but reflect on what it was I almost lost
What it was I wanted, what I got instead
Leaves me broken and grateful

I�m broken and grateful
I want to be broken and grateful
I want to be broken, peaceful, faithful, grateful, grateful
I want to be broken, peaceful, faithful, grateful, grateful

timely lyrics from sara groves' latest album, the other side of something. simple words, speaks volumes. not unlike many of her other songs, which is why i think this artist is tops :) the album has just been released, and after hopping online to check out the lyrics and listen to some samples, i decided to order this deal from grassroots.com - pretty good value i thought. an autographed copy of the cd, plus a bonus sampler, for under AUD $25 (including shipping). a normal copy from the local koorong (not that they have any stock yet) would cost $29.95.

Why The Passion Of Christ is Rated R

just when you thought it was safe to go back... comes this email forward... :p

i think it's american in origin, cos the movie isn't rated R here... nevertheless it's worth considering, so i'm posting it.

- - - - -

Rated R

The "R" of course is because of the violence, the gore. In movie terms "R" stands for RESTRICTED, but in this movie "R" stands for RELEVANT, for REALISTIC, for it REALLY happened for a REASON because we were REBELLIOUS we needed a REDEEMER, we needed to be RECONCILED, we needed to be RECOVERED, we needed to be REGENERATED. Jesus needed to be REJECTED so that we could have a RELATIONSHIP not just a RELIGION.

The "R" is to REMIND us to REMEMBER what Jesus did to REMOVE our sin to RENDER Satan powerless, to RESCUE us from eternity in hell. The "R" rating is to show that Jesus was RESPONSIBLE for giving you REST. As a RESULT of His death Jesus RETIRED your debt. The "R" rating means that some will be REPULSED, some will REFUSE to believe, some will be RELUCTANT, some will think you are RIDICULOUS in believing that a death was REQUIRED.

The "R" rating means that the RESULT of sin has been REVERSED and now through faith in Christ your REWARD is eternity and you are now RIGHTEOUS before God because you have RECEIVED him as the RULER of your soul. What a REVOLUTIONARY and RADICAL solution to REDEEM mankind.

- - - - -

amen! to that.

i need...

cannot articulate how i feel/what i'm feeling. just some shade of weird/slightly off.

i think i need...

... actually i don't quite know that either.

perhaps a nice warm hug :)

then again, a slap in the face might also work :o

maybe a bit of both... hmm... whatever the case, gotta keep walking.

- - - - -

so ahmet's was alright. was going to catch a bus in, but saved myself the fare when i remembered that my sister goes near where i needed to go for her weekly bsf meetings. and the timing was just right, so i arrived at the restaurant after a short walk.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
-- Franklin P. Jones

but i didn't have to wait too long :) when everybody arrived, some of the others wanted to move tables. we were given a 'conventional' table and chair setting, but they were eyeing off these benches covered with cushions and rugs which exuded a greater sense of atmosphere. so we moved. the benches were really just wooden benches, topped with a ~1inch layer of cheap foam, and covered with a rug thing. i thought my original seat was more comfortable :p

we ordered the prince feast, to experience a variety of dishes from their menu. for $27/head (after an entertainment book gold card discount), i thought it was somewhat over-priced. the food was ok without being spectacular. probably the nicest dish was the chicken and lamb skewers, which i'll remember to order if i ever return. bit my lip while chomping on my turkish delight... really hate it when i do that!

dinner conversation ranged from serious questions and thoughts, to verbal jousting between some of the feistier diners. we covered good ground though, and it was a pleasant evening. at the end of it i had a ~3hour long conversation with nza outside my house. totally unexpected and unplanned, but it was just great to have that time of catching up, finding out about each other's lives, and sharing about some of our struggles/worries, bgr issues, and plans for the future. we were both surprised at what our watches said, by the time we decided to call it a night after wrapping up in prayer.

so i'm still in sleep debt (more so than usual!), but glad for the impromptu chat. sometimes good things happen when you least expect, and when you're not looking for it / trying to make it happen. makes me re-think whether i might be staking/focused too much on my own effort, wrt a few other things in my life...

flat...

my day...

(9am)
no motivation.

no desire.

no enthusiasm.

can i hit [win], [u], [h] and set the timer for 8 hours?

- - - - -

(10am)
just got reminded of a weird dream i had last night - two people i knew got married, and the groom turned up wearing what could only be described as a dress. i think it was purple...

talk about one out of left field!

- - - - -

(10:40am)
hello, my name is .... and i am a netaholic...

well, i don't really think i am, but i'm sitting here bored out of my brain, and the external net connection has been down since before 8am. i've grown too accustomed to having the net at my fingertips when i'm at work (and at home), so i'm itching to see some packet flow happening! am even contemplating grabbing an analog modem and going the dial-up route.

now that would just make me feel so much more like an addict!

- - - - -

(10:55am)
pc beeps to indicate new mail!

*pops head up to take a look*

but it's only internal stuff... external access still down.

*puts head back down*

- - - - -

(11:15am)
i think / i feel like i'm suffering withdrawal symptoms :o

- - - - -

(~11:50am)
mobile rings. private number. interest momentarily peaked. pick up. wrong number...

- - - - -

(12:05pm)
internal network also stops working. can't even make updates to this (this being MS Outlook notes - which i'm using to draft this entry, for posting once the internet access is restored) because i can't reach the exchange server...

decide to go home for lunch.

- - - - -

(1:05pm)
back at work... still no external network, but temporarily satiated after getting my 'net "fix" at home.

hahahah...

(is it just me, or is this getting sadder by the hour?)

- - - - -

(1:27pm)
oooh.... they're baaaack.... not that there's a heck of a lot of activity, but at least i'm 'connected' once more.

though, on further thought... if that's my 'definition' of being connected, that too is rather sad... hmm...

- - - - -

(5:00pm)
home time! made it through the day, and heading off for dinner at ahmet's :)

can it get more frustrating?

oh yes it can...

still can't find the CD, can't for the life of me remember what i might have done with it... maybe i lent it to someone?

hmm... :|

nearly finished downloading the 30MB+ worth of service pack, then got some message about server not responding. ok... i'll try again...

nearly finished downloading the 30MB+ worth of service pack, then got some message about server not responding. ok... this has been a waste of time!

so now i'm onto sucking down the network install version. all 125MB of it.

this better work...

oh and i got a challenge from a FOM to play minesweeper flags, which would have been a nice enough way to while away the time while the SP downloads... but that's not starting either!

it's a conspiracy i tell ya!

what are the odds?

i have, and can account for, every since APC magazine cover CD from the last few years. except for one. and that very exception happens to be the same one i am wanting to use! curse your confounding laws mr murphy!

so now i'm having to download the windows XP SP1 instead of running it off the CD. hmm... oh well. good thing i have broadband (or to the purists, not-quite-broadband!) and a bit of time[1] on my hands today. ever since the good folk at iinet decided to improve my plan, i've been all quota'ed up with nowhere to burn. so today, i decided to continue working on my spare pc with some serious patching activity.

i also happened to 'discover' (well, it's new to me) winamp's net radio, so have been listening to some chinese tunes courtesy of koish.com - it's only 48kbps and mono, but at the moment the novelty is good :) besides which, my connection isn't quite up to handling the streams from the higher bit rate servers. needless to say i can pretty much forget about any streaming video. oh well.

another find was this page which also links to english translations of the lyrics from emil chow's album day lilies! just the sort of stuff a person like me needs :p

[1] have been feeling a bit restless and wanting to go out and do stuff since yesterday afternoon. so far, i've ended up staying at home the whole time (except to go out this morning cos i already had stuff i needed to do). so much for spontaneity and life on the edge ;)

as maxwell smart would say...

missed it, by that much!

well i don't quite know how much "that much" really was. but for now, notch up another rejection. would be lying if i said i wasn't disappointed - it was probably the first job i've come across in this past year of looking that i felt a good vibe about, in terms of the job and me being good fits for each other. obviously the people who matter didn't quite share the same thoughts.

bummer... hmm...

*looks wistfully out the window*

i feel...

neither overwhelmingly positive nor overwhelmingly negative about the interview. i'm confident, but don't want to be overly so. oh well. it's over and done with. now it's out of my hands. maybe soon i won't be getting caught mid-yawn every too often!

- - - - -

that previous motivation (see jan 5) never did translate to an actual visit, so when my isp recently offered its customers a $10 discount on purchases from qbd, i settled on a copy of a thousand pieces of gold. maybe i'm just a sucker for the marketing power of a (perceived) bargain/saving - once you factor in the cost of shipping, and the minimum purchase amount, you're not really saving that much... oh well, it's a book i don't mind reading and owning :) it is shaping up to be a rather interesting read!

two steps forward

got a call not too long after yesterday's post, and it was good news! i'll be taking the next step in the application process by attending an interview shortly :)

got some aspirin thing from my supervisor yesterday afternoon, and that helped with the headache a bit. went home after work and slept for while, got up, quick mail check, semi-continued an msn conversation from a few weeks ago, but had to do a spill-and-run, and left to go out for dinner. asked my sister to tape survivor and alias for me, but she forgot about alias!

grrr....

would have rather missed survivor than alias - alias has too many twists and turns and action bits to "make up" if you miss an ep :(

but, thanks to the netizens of the world (or maybe just a select few) i found an episode guide and transcript online, and resorted to my imagination to visualise the scenes as i read :)

mish mash

i have a headache. neck is also slightly sore. i'm still yawning.

had to spend most of this morning sitting with a colleague to learn her job, and document it. the stack of scrap paper i brought to take notes on remain blank. got a better understanding of what she does, but also fixed up her PC - installed the corporate virus scanner, got rid of some gator corp crap, installed google toolbar for the ad/popup-blocking feature, found it couldn't be activated cos the version of IE was too low, so had a long detour to windows update for patches and updates. and now it's lunch time :)

will i still be here next month? haven't heard anything yet.

first star wars goes ascii, and now the matrix. it's a different style of animation, and harder to make out... i only went as far as the few excerpts. takes me back to the days of telnet and finger and ascii art in people's .project files... (hmm... i think i'm showing my age a little here!)

started looking into "uploading recorders", in anticipation of my MD recorder's eventual demise (started experiencing minor problems with it last year) and the possible need/opportunity to do a fair bit more recording (and turning them into audio CDs and MP3 tracks). then i read about the upcoming Hi-MD units, which look to fit my requirements fairly well... should be interesting.

also been on the search for more blogs... a few of the ones i used to read have been abandoned, so i'm back at RBJ to see what's new in town. ahh... lunchtime reading :)

music::(samples from) innermost being - deb fung

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

(some light philosophy from a forwarded email...)

so i was sitting in the back seat of a friend's car yesterday... the radio was on, and a cd was sitting in the ejected position from the single in-dash cd player of the car. front seat passenger picks up the cd, takes a look, notices a song and asks to listen to it.

i was curious, so asked the driver "why do you have a cd half hanging there anyway?"

"cos i wanted to listen to the radio" says she. (ie when the cd is ejected, the unit switches back to radio).

"why don't you just change it to radio?" asked i.

"how? can you do that?"

"yes... see that little 'AM/FM' button? yes... just press that" by now the cd was already playing, so the pressing of the button had its desired effect.

"wow! i never knew you could do that!"

"ok how do i change it back to cd?" asked the front seat passenger, who wanted to listen to the cd in the first place, as she pressed that same button repeatedly without success.

"umm... you press the *other* button next to it that says 'CD'..."


ps. more of a funny moment tangentially related to the headline, than a real comment on anyone's intelligence ;)

- - - - -

am supposed to hear back early this week about whether this door is open or closed... (well, for the next stage of the process anyway).

what comes after medium?

i'm talking about pens... as in the size of their tips. i'm definitely a fine point man, and have never liked writing with medium points. i can't imagine writing with something even bigger than medium... there's probably no such thing, at least none that i have seen.

this nice pen i have ran out of ink on the weekend. i think it was a freebie, though i can't remember where i got it. it was a fine point, blue, nice ink flow, dark. a pleasure to write with. earlier this year the rubbery grip thing started to harden and turned from white to yellow. the clip also broke off when i was playing with it. and now, it's totally dead.

the death of my pen took place in the middle of my taking notes for a talk by michael raiter at international outlook on saturday night. part of his talk (preaching from luke 9:51 - 10:1) was about the examples of people who said they would follow Jesus, but had other concerns that seemed of higher priority. while not inherently bad in and of themselves, these things (having a home, looking after parents, caring for family etc) were a distraction to something that was even more important - serving God. and here i was, distracted by a pen that ran out of ink, and thinking about where i was going to find another one that wrote as nicely... whether i had any spares at home i could replace it with, or if i had to go shopping for one... come to think of it, i don't think i've bought any pens since my university days!

it was a sobering talk - what i needed i think. i was pretty tired and didn't really "get" much out of the missions displays and electives (having been to IO the last few years and feeling like i'd seen pretty much everything i wanted to see, though the TESOL elective was at least refreshing). and by mid/late afternoon i was beginning to wonder whether there's really much point for me to keep coming back each year. but... i'm glad i stayed for the evening talk. that's the core i think, the getting back to the bible and what it says. anyways, i was only there for two of the sessions, so decided to order a video of all 5 talks to watch later. will hopefully "recruit" some more audience members for it!

cursed yawn

i keep yawning when i'm sitting down at my desk... my manager has seen/caught me a few times mid-yawn, and keeps joking/threatening to give me more work (requiring me to be off my butt) to do...

i think i need more sleep. but even if i try sleeping earlier (as i did last night), i often wake up before my alarm is due to sound. don't know what's up with that. of course, waking up before my alarm sounds is no guarantee that i won't go back to sleep, and keep snoozing when my alarm *does* sound!

T minus 3.5 hours ;)

- - - - -

more readings about 'the passion', this time from the biblical studies foundation. i think i've reached saturation point on this topic, need to do some distilling/digesting.

music::city on a hill #3 - the gathering

it's all a bit of a blur

i can hardly recall what i did last week. starting to feel busier with YF and BSL starting up again for another semester. struggling to get in 8 hours of sleep, feeling sleepy and yawning my head off during the day as a result...

yesterday. counting down the last hour of work before i go home. suddenly there's a rush on to help pack up some equipment for shipping... worked up a bit of a sweat, but also felt good to be productive and contributing - almost a "longing just to bring something that's of worth" kind of feeling.

another rush this morning as i awoke to the realisation that i had silenced my alarm some 40 minutes ago, and it was now 10 minutes before i'm supposed to be at work. briefly considered calling in sick, or at least phoning to say i'd be late... but in the end i made it in at about the usual time (which is about 10 minutes late!) and brought breakfast to eat at my desk.

packed weekend last week. another packed one coming up: day-tripping to International Outlook 2004 on saturday, and planning to return to KGCC sunday night - don't know how long i can/should keep that up as it makes for rather full sundays... but for the time being i would like to.

- - - - -

click here for more thought-provoking readings about 'the passion' from the folks at matthias media. highly recommended.

The Passion of the Christ

  Who has believed our message
   and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?

 He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
   and like a root out of dry ground.
 He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
   nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

 He was despised and rejected by men,
   a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
 Like one from whom men hide their faces
   he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

 Surely he took up our infirmities
   and carried our sorrows,
 yet we considered him stricken by God,
   smitten by him, and afflicted.

 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
   he was crushed for our iniquities;
 the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
   and by his wounds we are healed.

 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
   each of us has turned to his own way;
 and the LORD has laid on him
   the iniquity of us all.

 He was oppressed and afflicted,
   yet he did not open his mouth;
 he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
   and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
   so he did not open his mouth.

 By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
   And who can speak of his descendants?
 For he was cut off from the land of the living;
   for the transgression of my people he was stricken.

 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
   and with the rich in his death,
 though he had done no violence,
   nor was any deceit in his mouth.

 Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
   and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering,
 he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
   and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.

 After the suffering of his soul,
   he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
 by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
   and he will bear their iniquities.

 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
   and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
 because he poured out his life unto death,
   and was numbered with the transgressors.
 For he bore the sin of many,
   and made intercession for the transgressors.

 -- Isaiah chapter 53

- - - - -

don't know that there's much i can say about this movie...

watch it.
be confronted.
and whether or not you like the movie (come to think of it, i'm not sure even i like it - in the normal sense whereby one "likes" movies because they're entertaining, funny, feel-good etc), take it in and question why. talk about it. go check out more at the australian passion network.