there's no "i" in team...

...but there is a me in there if you mix it up a bit!

random quote from dr house, the eponymous oddball (but rather gifted) doctor of the newish tv show. watched it for the first time tonight, along with a bit of rock school, which brought back memories of the jack black movie school of rock (though i suppose the resemblance is hardly accidental). don't know that i'll stick to either, but i think i will persist with grey's anatomy for the time being. the splurge of idiot-boxing was a chance to tune out on this midweek lull in busyness, now that a few outstanding matters (my exam being one) have been dealt with earlier today. will have another busy weekend coming up... in fact i'll be out of town for the next 4 consecutive weekends - and travelling here and there using planes, trains and automobiles. hey maybe i could do a movie about that! oh... already been done? shucks...

it's funny how unpredictable it can be when you submit stuff for other people to read/scrutinise. like my exam paper, or job applications... speaking of which, i've not heard any response... anyways, some things that you feel good/confident about, actually turn out to be less than expected. on the other hand, some things which might be quite ordinary, could turn out to be a lot more significant. now my exam paper is one that i'm hoping belongs to the second category! having ditched the postponement idea, i did go ahead with it this morning. i didn't feel too prepared, and during perusal time, i was mentally calculating my marks along the lines of: yep, i'll probably lose 2 marks here, maybe 4 there, and a couple more for that question... which leaves the two last questions that comprise 50% of the marks, and for which i need to squeeze probably at least 10-20 marks out of! let's just say that even given the choice of topics on which to use for those questions, i always felt i was going to be struggling. blame my lack of preparation. blame my rusty study skills. just blame ME.

like house alludes to in one of the conversations during tonight's episode, you can either worry yourself silly with self-doubt and lack of confidence about your decisions/actions, or (in his case) back your judgment/skill/training and push forward tenaciously. as for the things i've sent out, it's too late for self-doubt in any case! what news will the boomerang bring? will the boomerang even return? will i catch the boomerang or will it come from behind and whack me on the back of my head? too many questions and not enough sleep, hence to bed i go...

Look Up, Ye Saints

His heart grows heavy at the pain and destruction;
Doubt and self-blame - his nighttime's companions.
For the parts he played, absolution he seeks,
And as for the rest... these to you he entrusts.

You alone can understand the confusion,
And can gather up the brokenness and strife -
The only things offered by the downcast -
And make something beautiful, giving life.

Many are the burdens I cannot handle
All these I place at your feet.
Help me to let go of my self-reliance
Trusting these needs, you'll perfectly meet.

plan B

another night, another raised stress level, for i've managed to cover an additional big fat zero number of pages of study. rather most of the night has gone into composing and reworking draft #2, plus getting some outside advice on the task. i'm starting to wonder if i shouldn't postpone my exam - i still have a week's slack to play with... on the other hand, part of me just wants to get it over and done with, so i can start focussing on other things waiting in the wings.

it's hard to think straight when your brain is half dead.

this is not working

i have covered all of about 5 pages in two hours.

i am bothered and very distracted by it.

i feel extremely unproductive.

now i need to sleep.

i shake my fist.

ARGH!!!

meh...

cold air, hot water

someone told me that yesterday was supposedly the coldest day in this town since sometime in the 20's?? i don't know whether that's true, but it was certainly quite cool... and it continued today.

despite the surrounding coldness, i've been on the receiving end of 3 things these past 24 hours, leaving me feeling slightly besieged and being in a spot of the proverbial hot water. all of it relates to something i've recently expressed and/or the manner in which i've expressed it. of course, the difficulties with achieving clear communication is nothing new to me - how many times in the past has something i've said/written been interpreted one way (what i intended) by some people, and quite another (unintended) way by other people? on the flip side, i've had my fair share of times when i've totally misunderstood/misinterpreted something another person has expressed.

a similar danger exists when we come to reading (and trying to understand) God's word, which is why we need to spend time and effort in getting it right. last night's session had a number of interesting and brain-stretching discussions, all of which i'm sure were hampered to some extent by our collective inability to simply and perfectly communicate what we mean.

ah the joys of life! :p

random thought: i wonder whether the actual/specific language in use has any bearing on the ease/simplicity of communication? being fairly monolingual, i can't really begin to comment or speculate. i do know that i have, on the odd occasion, thought in chinese rather than english... horses for courses, perhaps?

anyways, i was supposed to have done a lot of study today. hours logged so far = less than 0.01... even if i was an optimist i reckon i'd think i'd be in trouble for my exam!

3 years old!

ah yes... it's anniversary time for nebolocity once more, which reminds the owner that he's a year older! :|

and as seems to be becoming a tradition, i had a look back through my previous birthday related posts, trying to remember how my previous few were spent. some (potential) trends:

1. i tend to get sick around this time (if you can take 2 time out of 3 to be statistically significant :p i've got a bit of a cold at the moment, but it doesn't seem to be *too* bad...)
   
2. some people are consistent in remembering my birthday and offering wishes etc
3. some people drop off the credits reel (not that i'm keeping score - the credits list is just to acknowledge those tho remembered/did something about it, and has no negative reflection on anyone not on the list), and a few in particular are perhaps conspicuous by their absence... maybe it's a reflection of the (degraded?) state of my relationship(s) with them?? hmm...
   
4. i tend to not bother doing/organising anything to celebrate
5. i probably decide last minute that i'd like to do something (other than sit at home by myself), but am hampered in my efforts to be social by the presumption that everyone's (too) busy
6. but it's probably the only day of the year that my phone gets a bit of a work out :p
   

actually, come to think of it, what with all these birthdayalarm type deals, i'm sure i'm on more people's lists! not that i use it to keep track of other people's birthdays (i reckon i have a better system), but what's the point of me responding to other people's requests to enter my details on their list, if i get nothing in return when it really counts?? ;)

anyways, here's a roughly chronological log of what i did today, punctuated by the credits...

• it actually "began" with broken sleep and other undesirables... spilt milk, what can you do?
• email from the clan doris - these guys are one of the old faithfuls :) they'll be returning to brisbane in a few months' time, so it will be good to catch up.
• letter from my bro
• sms from jesske, whose birthday treasure hunt i was about to set off to attend. this gem of a lass made several points to include my (actual) birthday in her celebrations (so that i wouldn't feel "i'm all old and nobody loves me" :p), in which her other friends also took part. this was certainly a different experience :)
  
• sms from paranoid android, who remembered for another year :)
• sms from valley
• phone call from pastor and aunty (reception was kinda bad tho, so i couldn't actually catch half of what they were saying... so just said thanks and uh-huh a lot... keke)
• e-card from akane, with a cute-ish hip and funky cheer squad animation. will be seeing her in a few weeks time when i head south for another set of friends' wedding, so that should be good :)
  
• e-card from gfcho (this is one of the birthdayalarm ones, as mentioned last year)
• sms from hz
• dinner at home with the family
• sms from shte1
• sms from brysie
• gelati delivery from some BLT committee people (slam, tekken, todd, cousin fi) who are having a meeting downstairs... but not before we ate about half the pack :)
• sms from mag
  

oh and i had a shared cake (made by valley) with jesske at yf last week... anyways maybe a few more might be added to the list come church/yf tomorrow, but for now i'm going to reply some outstanding smses and aim for an earlier night.

of weddings and things

i've just returned from my cousin's wedding, and am finally getting around to posting up some pictures and thoughts from my sister's wedding last weekend. here's a family photo to the right...

and on the left is the cake my other sister made for her... pretty nifty eh?

my day itself didn't start that well... after a rather late night (due to a late airport run, made later by a delay in the flight), i actually couldn't get out of bed the next morning! by the time i was finally woken up, i had 15 minutes to be at the church to help set up for refreshments. so i rushed out of the house, grabbing all my gear adn change of clothes etc, went to pick up my aunt and arrived at the church a bit late. later (when i went to get changed) i realised i hadn't shaved, and didn't bring a shaver... anyways that's a fairly minor blemish - the ceremony + reception etc was all good and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.

i've had a lingering though that started long before this wedding, and which was again brought into the spotlight during the sermon. here i'll steal from i mean quote shteejei:

One thing stood out quite clearly for me during the day, and that was something mentioned by the guest speaker giving his words of counsel to the couple. He said that the husband’s role, for the rest of his life, was to lead his wife into Christ-likeness (or something to that effect).

At this point a few thoughts came to mind:

• How can a non-Christian husband lead a Christian wife to Christ-likeness?
  
• On the other hand, how can a non-Christian wife be lead into Christ-likeness?
  
• If a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, by laying down his life in order to present his church holy and blameless, then how can that happen if the husband does not love Christ (and hence, can not love as he loved?)

What were the thoughts of those in the audience listening to these words who are currently dating or engaged to non-Christians?

the ending question there echoes precisely my own musings
[rest of post under revision]

slowness

writing selection criteria always seems to take too long... i guess it doesn't help if you spent half the night playing head-to-head games on msn messenger (and getting a bit of a whooping in bejeweled) :p oh well, it's been ages since yung and i played, so it was a good bit of fun...

i'm trying very hard to apply the STAR principle in address the selection criteria. i also tailored my resume and used lots of "action words". it's due in about 15.5 hours... between now and then i have another example and the covering letter to write up, plus face a longish and likely-to-be-busy-again day at work, oh and some sleep would be nice too.

i'm doing all this because this is a good opportunity (i think?) to move into a role that will involve more admin and (a lot) less time spent on/chained to the phones. plus it's a higher level role, and it'll probably mean i get to work in the city - don't know if that last one is a good thing, but at least i'm likely to have more opportunity to meet/see friends for lunch and the like.

ok enough procrastinating... come on brain, stay with me!

the heat is on

according to the doctor, i've been hit by a virus that attacks the muscles and causes soreness, headaches, fever, and also sometimes sore throats/coughs and middle ear infections (though i seem to have missed out on the last two). i thought i was getting better today, and after taking an extended afternoon nap i wake up to find i'm still feverish and the headache is still there. the general soreness has decreased, but so too has my appetite.

my MC covers me from tuesday till today... this is, as far as i can remember, the longest unplanned absence i've ever had from work.

- - - - -

brief encounters with the aunties - a two-part act:

1. a few days ago... as the girls started arriving at my younger sister's bridal shower do...
auntie1: so how do you feel, with both sisters about to be married soon?
me: *shrugs*
auntie1: so when is your turn?
me: ...

2. the following night... eldest uncle and his wife drop by to use our fax. his son is getting married the week after my younger sister... which means that out of all my cousins on my dad's side, everyone older than me (plus a few younger than me) will be married by the end of this month...
auntie2: it must be getting to your turn soon - when is your wedding?
me: *shrugs*
me: God knows...
auntie2: i'm sure he does!

is it a sign of old age when you start noticing crows feet in pictures of yourself??

- - - - -

i need to sell my echo, cos i'm taking over my elder sister's astra when she heads off to be married. it seems such a hassling and time-consuming process to sell cars, and i don't think i have the time to go through the private market in the hopes of getting a better price than via dealers. a decent price for a decent car is all i ask... is that too much?

encouraged from reflections

i can't remember when it all started, but for some years now we've had "camp reflections" following the end of the annual yf camp. this year's edition took place last night, and after initially thinking i might not be able to make it, i ended up going for the whole thing and came away much encouraged.

as someone who's been to more camps than they can remember, it probably gets more difficult to have individual highlights that really stand out amongst the sea of memories and experiences. but this year, a few things that i found good/encouraging was:

• some of my group members sharing how they enjoyed the group. it can be hard as a leader when the group members do not appear to be very responsive, or you're just not sure if what you're doing is really having any positive impact/effect. it is quite reassuring to hear that people did take away good times and lessons learnt from our sessions together.
• one of the non-christians who came to camp sharing how she appreciated the opportunity to find out more about christianity, and being placed in a "beginner's group" that was appropriate for where she's at in her search. also her comments about people's general friendliness - this was something i too experienced when i first attended a yf camp way back...
  
• other comments about how new people found the camp environment to be welcoming, non-judgmental, and where people don't just talk about loving others but actually practice it.

of course, things aren't perfect (and i can point to many an example where it's not, though now's not the time or place), but for a pessimistic-minded person like me, i'll grab all the enouragements that i come across :) it's good to know that yf camps are generally heading in the right direction, and is doing well at providing an opportunity for people to come and hear God's word, and be challenged to respond to it accordingly.

it's easy to be discouraged, and i'm thankful for the glimmer of encouragement received last night. that might not always happen... it might not usually happen... i need to bear in mind some other words i read tonight (by some dude called george macdonald - not that i have any idea who he is):

“Am I going to do a good thing? Then Father, into your hands, lest the enemy have me now.”

- - - - -

there's a bridal shower going on downstairs (for my younger sister) as i write... i was just about to start on my dinner when the advance party arrived to start setting up. so i hung about with the girls and leant a hand here and there, and chatted with some people whom i had not seen in a while. i don't think i've ever been alone (ie being the only guy) in a room with so many girls before :p anyways i eventually got kicked out when it was time for the guest of honour to enter.

i've been to a few buck's nights, but have never really known what goes on at a bridal shower. the little bit of prep work i saw tonight showed me at least a glimpse into one such event - a fair amount of effort from the heart. i'm sure my sister will have a memorable evening enjoying treasured friendships. sometimes (maybe too often??) i think girls are better company :p

games be gone

wedding #9 for the year took place earlier today. 4 to go in the next 2 months...

in his speech, one of the groomsman referred to something the groom said during the buck's night. can't recall the precise words, but it had to do with how the groom-to-be, an avid (LAN) gamer, had said that he is willing to give that up for his wife-to-be, so as to dedicate time to the building up of their marriage. a big change; a big sacrifice - but one that is entirely worthwhile. coincidentally i was just reading an article about unplugging from the matrix of the gaming world, so as to

1. find one's true identity in Christ (rather than in the world of the games)
2. to practice better stewardship of our time, and
3. to live in the real world where one's actions have lasting impact.
   

good food for thought... maybe too easy for me to simply nod my head in agreement, given that i've never been into gaming (unless you count minesweeper, solitaire, and those little flash games you find on the net?!) though i can easily see other places where i just as easily spend hours "hiding away".

to my friends J and M: may you not hide from, but actively seek out each other in your marriage, and may you continue growing in Christlikeness all the days of your life.

a matter of perspective

came across these via a forward mass mail thing about the pavement artwork of a UK dude by the name of julian beever - "anamorphic illusions drawn in a special distortion in order to create an impression of 3 dimensions when seen from one particular viewpoint"

here's a shot of what one of his pieces look like from the "wrong" angle:


and now looking at it from the intended perspective:

more pictures at http://users.skynet.be/J.Beever/pave.htm

pretty nifty, eh? makes you wonder whether sometimes you just can't seem to understand certain things, it's because you're standing on the wrong side of the picture...

simple truth?

The stronger our desire for some satisfaction, the more vulnerable we are to being deceived about what is right and wrong in the way we try to satisfy that desire.

currently feeling :: crap

有一首歌说：想哭就到我怀里哭。 但如果我没有那首歌里所讲的哪个“我”，该这么办呢？只好对着这没有耳朵听的 blog 来说一说。。。pretty sad, right?

yeah well anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest somewhere. don't care to elaborate at the moment. been dwelling on it enough as it is.

why does this happen on sundays?! bleh...

kinda quiet around here...

...and it's getting cold too! starting to wear socks to bed and snuggling in that much more to keep my ears warm. ahh, winter...

not much to say. been reading a bit more than i have in recent times, making use of my walks to work and my lunch breaks to catch up on my backlog of Voice of the Martyr newsletters and the Briefing magazine. good things to be filling my mind with.

now that i am walking to/from work, every time i get into my car (eg if i'm going out at night, or on weekends) i feel like i haven't driven it for such a long time, even though it would only be a matter of days at the most. funny how familiar the feeling of driving everyday becomes...

also been cutting down on some tv in order to devote more time to studying - yes, that thing which i thought i'd never do after "uni" became a thing of the past! i'm about a fifth of the way into (and half a week behind schedule) my first subject in the correspondance course from moore. struggling a bit with the discipline of study, but the time spent has been worthwhile.

feels quiet today... i don't have anything on! got a haircut and picked up tickets for the michael w. smith concert in july. did some studying for moore and started BS prep for yf camp. part of me wants to do something spontaneous, however i can't help but feel everyone else is too busy to be spontaneous. oh well, looks like more study and an early night for me...

in contrast, the next 3 months look busy on my schedule, with 2 camps/conferences, 5 weddings and 2 out of town trips, 1 confirmed and 3 other concerts/shows i'd like to attend... and i'm sure there'll be a good number of meetings thrown in the mix too. speaking of trips, my tickets to singapore are booked. i'm still undecided about the mid-week foray into malaysia though... guess i should send that email to my KL contacts and see if it's worth dropping in while i'm in the region. plus i might go visit gentings, but don't know if i'm really up to playing the solo tourist gig. well, enough procrastiating... :p trying to cut down on time spent in front of this type of CRT screen too!

it keeps going up!

not that i really expect the count to decrease at any stage :p

just found out that another person i know got married recently. that's an average of 1 per month this year... with half over half of the year to go, how much higher can the stats get?

dips and peaks

i feel like i'm losing a friend.
to be more accurate, i think the tense in the previous sentence should be past, not present.
it's probably something i'm just not wanting to concede, but the sand's getting too shallow for me to stick my head into.

on a more general level, i feel like this sort of thing has been happening too often/regularly in recent years.
it's times like these that i get rather despondent.

- - - - -

on a happier/lighter note, i went on a day trip yesterday. photoblog below...

after various delays, some 20-odd of us eventually head north and congregate at our first stop: eumundi markets. this is a plate of mixed (ie steamed and fried) vegetarian momos (dumplings) from a tibetan food stall. i'd suggest going without the soy sauce - tastes better with just the sweet chilli :)

before leaving, i spent a good 5-10 minutes standing in front of this band listening to their music. they're called oka, and i quite enjoyed their grooves and tunes. so much so that i bought both of their CDs :p this is the second time i've come away from eumundi markets with multiple CDs (last time it was all 3 CDs of piano music by a guy called richard goldsworthy). these guys really looked like they enjoyed their music making, and i reckon i could have quite happily zoned out for a few hours soaking in their sounds :)

before long however, it was time to head off for a spot of lunch near montville, where nza and tez had been hard at work cooking up a bbq feast for the rest of us. good job guys!

we had to compete with a few bold and daring kookaburras for our food though - a few times one of them would fly down and grab food off the tables in front of rather surprised (and startled) diners!

group picture of the day trippers, comprising some CLAY folk, overseas visitors, and associated friends.

in front of lake baroon, where we had the bbq. pity that photoblogger isn't really suited to displaying panoramas, otherwise i'd upload one i took giving a sweeping view of the lake.

with almost everyone there sporting a digital camera, many a photo was taken... and usually it's the subject of the photos who pose for the camera, but here's a shot of the poses of some of the photo takers :p

while the rest of the gang headed off for a bushwalk, i returned home early with a few others. but not before stopping by briefly at a vineyard (while my driver purchased some wine for his parents), where i took this photo. then there was another short stop in montville itself, browsing some of the shops there. i had heard a bit about this town, but until now had never visited the area. will have to come back another time and spend more time exploring... but that's an adventure for another day and time :)

there's a shutterfly album with more pics from other cameras.

lessons in being lost, then finding your way

a recent episode of lost tells the story of a guy who has spent a long time being secretly in love with his step sister. eventually the truth outs, and she (who has known/suspected for some time) continues to use that to her advantage. anyways he ends up having this "experience" which compels him to let go of what he's been hanging on to, and the next time the two interact and she tries to coerce him to do something by turning on her smile and wily words, he is able to easily say no.

she looks surprised at the response.

my point? don't have one... but notice that while i can identify with the ease of saying no where the decision may have previously been not so cut and dried, i also see that i 偶而会想念，从未拥有的.

maybe it's me who's truly lost :p

breath of a hog

so i've heard some things about these hog's breath cafe joints over the years, but have never ever actually been to one. that is, until tonight.

took the day off work (i like having flex :D) to attend the day session of BBT, and had dinner with my team (plus some partners, and our team manager) at a local hoggies to celebrate the end of our probation period.

had myself a medium steak (i'm never very confident about ordering steak) which turned out to be quite nice :)

found out that my team manager is only a few months older than the youngest person in our team! that made me feel old...

went to a nearby bar/club after dinner, and i got carded. that made me feel (or at least feel like i still look) young :p

padawan, Pauline style

from an interview with George Lucas, speaking about the latest and final Star Wars instalment:

In every one of the Star Wars movies, the concept of a mentor and a Padawan, or a learner, is very important. Why is that?

I’ve had a lot of mentors, especially teachers, who have helped me over the years. I feel very strongly that the future of the human race lies solely in our ability to use our brain and to learn from those who have come before us. That is a central theme in my movies, because it’s important to my life. I very firmly believe that only through education and knowledge – gaining it, then transferring it on to the next generation so they can use it and improve it – will we survive and grow.

rather reminds me of the words of Paul to his disciple Timothy:

Follow the pattern of the sound words that you have heard from me... what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also... continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it, and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus...Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they also may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory (2 Timothy 1:13, 2:2, 3:14, 2:10)

while education and knowledge may be tools in the process, it is only by God's mercy that he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead (2 Peter 1:3). much more than survival growth, and preserving the human race from one generation to the next, this is about eternal life! :)

Lessons from the Poor

from an article by Wayne Cordeiro:

...I asked, “How can I pray for you? What do you want the most?”

“Pray that we become like you,” was their immediate request. “We do not have freedom of religion. We only have a few registered churches, and the rest cannot attend. We are a persecuted Church. Pray that we can soon be like you!”

“I cannot do that,” I sadly replied. “I will not pray for you in that way.”

“But why?” They pushed back on my seemingly unchristian response.

“You came here after riding thirteen hours on a train. In America, if church is more than thrity-minutes away, people will not go. It’s too far. You have been sitting on a wooden floor without air-conditioning for two days to hear the Word of the Lord. Where I come from, if you cannot sit on cushioned chairs and be in the comfort of air-conditioning, people will find better things to do. You don’t have adequate Bibles, so you memorize what you can gather. In every Christian home, we have an average of three Bibles, but we don’t read any of them.

“No, I will not pray that you become like us. But I will pray that we become like you!”

Sometimes we learn the most from those who have the least. We realize that when we are rich, we are often the poorest, and when we are the poor, that is often when we are the richest!

early winter in brisbane

snow?! i wished... hehe. but a freakish hailstorm late afternoon (of which i was thoroughly unaware, being indoors and not quite in an affected area) left lots of hail lying about the streets where i went later in the day. took a while to figure out what all this white stuff was on the streets/footpaths as we were driving through the area... never seen so much hail in all my time here! kinda cool :)

more news (tho not many pics) at google.

why seed-plant

...there is something to be said for planting seeds, even in harsh climates. A Hasidic tale describes a Rabbi who told people that if they studied the Torah it would put Scripture on their hearts. When someone asked him why he always used the word “on” instead of “in” he said, “Only God can put Scripture inside. But reading sacred text can put it on your hearts, and when your hearts break the holy words will fall inside.”

from http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001078.cfm

Optus, you suck!

why? because:

1. you changed the conditions for rollover. again.
2. you conveniently neglected to inform me of the change.
3. not only did you not inform me before it happened, you still didn't inform me after it happened.
   
4. i wasted time in double checking my calculation to figure out where i went wrong, before realising (via a search on your website) that i hadn't made a mistake, rather you had changed the rules. without telling me.
5. this happened the last time you changed the conditions for rollover, and i had to ring customer service to find out what you did.
6. this time i thought i'd write to you via your nominated "contact us" methods to voice my displeasure, but your feedback form doesn't work!
7. i wasted more time testing your form with two browsers to confirm it wasn't an user error on my part, before confirming that it is indeed your form that is broken.
8. i then tried to use the other feedback form (for Local and long distance, television, Internet), which looked like it might not have the same problem, but upon pressing submit (with a full explanation of why i was using this form rather than the designated one for mobile customers) i am told that the submission failed because you are experiencing "technical difficulties".
9. now i've gone over my bedtime, and will have to spend more time to literally voice my growing list of complaints on the phone.
10. all this, because i was trying to be conscientious in checking over my bill before paying it by the due date... GRRRR!
    

p.s. ooh... it seems my attempt (#8 above) did actually go through, and you're going to respond within 30 days. you'll forgive me if i don't hold my breath while i wait, won't you?

Ohnosecond

That silent moment it takes for you to realise you've just made a VERY BIG mistake.

- - - - -

above "workplace definition" spotted recently in an internal newsletter at work. speaking of which, it's been a bit busier last few days, and for some reason i seem to be taking longer with my calls, and occasionally giving out wrong/incorrect advice or failing to observe set protocols for call handling... hence the ohnosecond which kinda happens after hanging up, or the delayed onset variety where i find out later i did something wrong.

bleh. and it's budget night tonight, which probably means we'll get swamped tomorrow...

been walking to and from work too, given that the cost of my current parking arrangement has recently undergone a 180% hike! more environmentally (and personal health?) friendly... that's what i tell myself :p

- - - - -

more definitions...

Salmon Day – The experience of spending all day swimming upstream only to get screwed and end up dead.

Percussive Maintenance – The fine art of whacking the life out of an electronic device to get it to work.

Adminisphere – The management layers which begin just above the rank and file (ie people who do all the work). Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

hand to the plow

sometimes in life, you
stop in your tracks to wonder.
shifting your gaze with a backward glance, you find yourself
stroking your chin over the why, and
scratching your head over the how.
sighing follows a confused "huh?!!", and
soon your wondering reaches a dead end. then
shaking your head and
shrugging your shoulders, you return to
staring ahead, and
soldiering on forwards.

lettuce eat pizza :)

"lettuce" is the name of our bible study group. we got together for our first social/outing tonight, and ate some...
homemade gourmet pizzas! the first of which was a "hawaiian plus" affair by mellow and fei-lo, and rather nice with the sweet tasting pineapples. but i forgot to take a picture, so... this is the third pizza (yeah i didn't get a pic of the finished product for pizza #2 either... which was a tandoori chicken one) - it's a salmon special i think... both #2 and #3 were by dook
the pizza that quop made! haha... a half and half with chicken, ham & mushroom topped with cajun spices on one side, and pepperoni, sausage, onions & cashew nuts topped with a sprinkling of thyme on the other. don't ask me how the chicken tasted cos i didn't get any...
jesske's super 4-in-1 combo featuring gluten free pizza base... it's a pizza in a pan cos the base kinda got stuck...
designer chinese pizza, featuring hoisin sauce base, bits of char siu pork, some lap cheung, mushrooms, cashews, sweet chili sauce?, and a dash of soy sauce and sesame seed oil. it actually didn't taste too bad (except for the uncooked grains of rice someone threw in!)
last but not least, it's the pingster's meatasaurus monster - we were all quite full by this stage :)
during the night, we also shared our stories of how we came to Christ, and ended the evening with a few rounds of the card game masters and slaves. ironic that the one who brought the game to the group never made it out of the slave ranks :p

a jacobian effort!

after a 6-7 year wait, my "red wine" friend wed his girl :)

- - - - -

that was last weekend. today, yet another wedding.
that's the 5th for 2005 (of 11) i know about, and 3rd that i've actually attended.
some people meet their match at other people's weddings.
hasn't happened to me yet, tho this year is certainly providing many an opportunity :p

home! and back to my own bed :)

except that i can't quite enjoy it until i clear away all the stuff that's been piling on it the past 6 weeks :p ahhh... it's nice to get away sometimes, but also good to be back home after an absence.

but it also serves to remind me that i'm really not home yet.

divergence acceptance

even if two lines are as close as being parallel, they're never going to meet. much less divergent lines, which may start out close, but the distance between them grows with time.

thus i'm prompted to ponder, in a tangential but not altogether unrelated kind of way...

我有个问题：
知己，应该去寻找，
或者该等待？

sore forgetful

i started a poem, but can only remember the first few lines... not that it was anywhere near completion, but i'm feeling rather forgetful

a house -
an empty house.
many rooms -
unoccupied, unutilised.

actually i have no idea where i was going to go after these few lines anyway. all i was doing was thinking upon being reminded that my current housesitting stint is fast drawing to a close. and though i had plans and visions of having people over to socialise, cook, eat etc, that never really eventuated. so it feels like a bit of a loss/waste. so yeah, four lines is about as far as i went!

- - - - -

i'm also feeling rather sore. have been playing a bit of sport the past few sundays without too much ill effect, so i'm not sure whether it was the attempt at a little footrace this week (which i lost! but i was up against younger opponents, so this is one rare occasion where it's advantageous for me to claim age concessions :p) or the extra running around i did on saturday, which is contributing to my aches. didn't get to play ultimate this week, but i still think it's the best social game to play :)

- - - - -

and i'm very tired/sleepy. doing training in the city the rest of the week - will get a free taxi ride between my normal place of work and the training venue, but it does mean having to get up much earlier, and a brief return to ironed shirts.

now let's see if i can manage to have an early night...

constructivity

i remember learning in high school geography (i think... or was it science??) about constructive and destructive waves. i think the constructivity principle has been at work in my life - timing wise, i'm still dealing with the ebb of one wave and being reminded of the memory of another from about this time a year ago.

makes for a big wave.

- - - - -

speaking of anniversary-like matters, looks like i'll be doing another singapore in september trip... both my sisters are having wedding-related events within one week of each other over there (one being the actual wedding and reception, and the other being the overseas reception following an earlier local wedding). don't know about my chances of getting leave in peak period, but i guess you never know if you never ask!

and speaking of weddings (as in, my attendance at...), #2 for 2005 is happening in 9 days' time.

surreptitious sightings

so prince J and i were sitting at a local mc cafe last week, and out of left field comes 3 people wearing japanese-looking attire and each carrying a platter of sushi. they stroll straight through the outside seating area of maccas, and then alternate between standing around and shuffling on in the carpark just outside. a few minutes later one of the mc workers comes out (presumably assigned the task of) looking for them, but they had vacated the premises. a few more minutes and they were back, this time venturing to the outer periphery of the carpark and hanging about at the entrance. at first we couldn't figure out what they were doing, but it looked all the world like they were _giving away_ free sushi. here's a deal going down... would have been a better pic if i got the golden arches into frame (there was one just off to the right), but i only felt bold enough to sneak one shot in, and from a distance (hence the blurriness) :p

and no i wasn't bold enough to go claim some ;) although... it makes me hungry just thinking about it... i think i can accommodate a bit of sushi any time of day :)

topics more worthy of consideration

luke 9:23...

to deny myself
and daily take up my cross
following Jesus

a change from the typical drivel of late, perhaps :)

revised count

an update to the list:

• 1x engagement from... 2 days ago?
• 1x wedding about 3 weeks ago
• 1x wedding in june
• 1x wedding i don't know when... this year/soon!
  
• 1x wedding supposedly happening later this year
• 1x engagement/wedding possibly happening later this year
• 2x newish relationships starting in the last few months
  
• and even a recent breakup is (i think?!) on the mend
  

anyone else want to put their hand up? ahhh... what can you do but smile a wistful smile. better than being consumed by it all, perhaps!

spending my time...

seems a bit of a waste... spending my time... creating original poetry... when others have come before and put similar thoughts to song :p (yes i have now managed to get around to watching (though it was 99.5% just listening to) my roxette complete collection dvd)

ahh... the memories of 80's and 90's ballads... heh.

speaking of old songs, there's one that talks about washing a person out of one's hair. just wondering (in a "the thought has just suddenly popped into my head" kind of way) whether a haircut would suffice? it's relevant because i had one this morning. but it's also a moot question i suppose, since i'll need to wash it soon enough anyways!

ok enough procrastinating, should get back to the housework. way to spend a sunny saturday afternoon... but i really need to be waking up from this dream now.

reflections on...

... romans 14 (v23):

if you want something
even though you know it's wrong
is that what's called sin?

... ecclesiastes:

i'm sitting with a group of people, who happen to be looking at and thinking about the message of ecclesiastes. one of the big points to come out is that life is meaningless; that there's no point in trying to be wise because in the end you die the same as the fool next to you.

i'm sitting in the house where she lives. we haven't really talked, and things have changed since we once did. one of the big thoughts to strike me is that there's no point in trying to be wise because in the end, the (in my opinion) unwise gets the fish, and the (trying to be) wise comes home empty handed.

how is it that one can do away with wisdom and appear to succeed, yet another try to follow wisdom and appear to fail?

yes i know that the catch of the unwise is really not, and that though the wise be catchless the results aren't the only things that count. but sometimes the gap between head and heart rivals the grand canyon.

good thing that the preacher concludes that there *is* something that takes us beyond the meaningless, and that differentiates between the good and the bad. wisdom is not futile.



... my recent posts:

FOM (one of the very select few i know who actually read these entries :p) commented that my recent posts all seem very sighworthy in an "it's all too hard" kind of sense. i guess it can seem that way, but that's mostly because you won't hear a squeak when a wheel is well-oiled and running smoothly ;) i'm still alive and breathing. and struggling at times... *shrugs*

same old, with a twist of retrograde

the danger with watching romance movies is that they suck you into a romantic worldview. and as my dvd companions tonight noted, i am (in their eyes, surprisingly so) such a one. we watched the prince and me, and guess what? i've written more haiku...

butterflyaway
edvard and paige could succeed
why not me and you?

- - - - -

closet romantic
many things i'd planned for you
they shall remain dreams

i decided to actually find out if i'm really doing this right (in terms of the haiku writing i mean), and i think i'm sort of not really. hard to say, a preliminary search seems to show that there are different "rules" around. i'll just settle for not calling my efforts anything other than basic and simple.

anyways, back to my elementary poetry and their inspiration. have been realising over the last day or few that a "bitter root" seems to be growing, with said source of inspiration being a significant contributing factor. this is partially reflected in the third haiku for today (though it was actually composed before today, and is, relatively speaking, fairly tame).

my little princess
knows not what it is you want
i cannot help you.

it's like playing snakes & ladders, getting up through a few small/short ladders only to encounter a majorly long snake. i really shouldn't be in this place. how did i get here? how do i get out?

haiku hiking part 1.5

part two is finished (insofar as i don't think i'll go back and do any more edits etc), but don't know if i'm ready to "publish" it yet. meanwhile other compositions are still coming in. here's a product of some mulling today:

angst -- frequent and deep
is what you're causing in me
when will this pain end?

or how about these... composed while trying to blog about the first effort above[1]:

"beautiful", you said
your next BGR will be
i thought: could be me.

alas, i was wrong -
i'm not in your plans, i see...
i guess i'm not he.

i'm not so sure whether this therapy theory is holding much water, eh? maybe i need to give it more time to work...

[1] makes me wonder... am i just suddenly getting really good/proficient at haiku? or have i actually become an expert in copying diamonds by spitting out cubic-zirconias?

haiku hike (part 1 of maybe 2)

i thought i'd try to climb back into the black with my burgeoning sleep debt (or at least halt the hastening slide into a deeper negative!) by going to bed before midnight last night. failed by a few minutes, so thought that was a reasonably good effort compared to what's typical. all that good work went to waste when i found myself awake before 6:30am the next morning, hearing the sounds of the neighbours (note to self: sleep with the window closed in future) over breakfast, and experiencing half a blocked/stuffy nose and a slightly sore throat...

after lying in bed for a while trying to get back to sleep, i made it through to a few snoozes of my alarm before getting out of bed. by this time, i was sufficiently lucid and unexpectedly inspired to proffer some verse. not that i've ever written any haiku (except when required to in high school english??), but all my creative juices seemed to flow in that direction today... and bilingually too! actually i'm not sure if i'm hijacking the format a bit... the only thing i'm conforming to is the syllabic structure, can't remember if there's something like an "essence" factor i'm missing... but oh well. this is part one (in chinese), a single haiku. part two may be posted if i finish it, as it's still wip atm - it's a multi-stanza collection of haikus (what's the plural of 'haiku'??).

some people find writing prose/poetry a good outlet. i hope it has the desired therapeutic effect...

我深爱着你
但没机会两人行
单苦恋之王

stay tuned. maybe...

i'm finding...

that

• 不管向左走还是向右走，都是寂寞。
• it's the case when i wake up (cos i'm housesitting, and i'm the only one there)
  
• it's the case when i go out, and am in the crowds
• it's the case when i come home (to my family, but everyone's doing their own thing and now everyone's gone out)
• i catch myself doing things like (all of which i can do without fear of anyone giving me weird looks, because i'm in a house all by myself!)
  
• talking to myself
• staring at my reflection in the mirror
• walking around, back and forth
• sometimes pausing to lean on doorframes wondering what i'm doing, or where i'm going next
• occasionally banging my head against a wall or other hard surface (only lightly - i'm not that much of a masochist :p)
• make unintelligible sounds - some closer to singing/humming, others closer to groans
  
• i've been blogging a fair bit in the last 24 hours!
  
• i still want to ask "why", even though
• i don't know the answer
• i might never know the answer
• the answer might not even exist
  
• assuming it does exist, even if i did know the answer, i may still not understand
  
• whether or not i understand, i'd probably just ask another "why" (you know, like those annoying conversations with little kids who keep asking why...)
  

i feel that God is saying to me: my stubborn and rebellious child, why do you kick against the goads? (oh look, there's another "why"!)

ahh... so many dreams, and an equal number of burst bubbles.

dust will eventually settle if you don't stir it.

sorry, wrong address...

looking for canaan? sorry, wrong address...

guess i won't be needing this anymore, huh? thought i'd take a photo for posterity before i took it off...

not quite ready to break out in verse (which is too rare a thing to logically expect anyway), so in the tradition of all good cooking and similar shows, here's something i prepared earlier! hmm... looks like it was some 6-7 years ago! gee i prepare well ;)

i suppose so far it has stood the test of (at least some) time, which could be considered a mark of greatness? hehe. oh the memories... :p




(and oh the pain/heartache/sorrow/self-doubt/[insert favourite melancholic word/phrase]...)

why is it that

sometimes...

- when you need to wake up, all you want to do is sleep for a few more hours;
but when you need and have the "time" to sleep, you inexplicably wake up early?

- when you want to be strong and brave, your eyes well up and tears flow; but when you want to have a good cry, the ducts run dry?

- broken dreams are the hardest to let go of, to leave behind and move on...

...

fools have dreams too, but who dares doesn't always win.

...

when you think about it, "why" isn't really the right question to be asking, is it? that can be hard to get past/wrap your mind around too. guess it means this grasshopper ain't yet ready to leave the monastery.

...

if you go basejumping sans chuteware, i wonder what sorts of thoughts run through your mind in that span between take off and landing? (yes this is a random-ish sort of thought; no i am not suicidal :p)

"hmm... i think i forgot to turn the stove off this morning"?
"note to self: remember to buy milk and bread on the way home"?
"air is good, i should plant more trees"?

or maybe something more along the lines of

"uh-oh, this is gonna hurt something serious"?
"i hope i blank out before i hit - they say this increases your survival chances"?
"I AM ICARUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSS!!! *splat*"?

...

not all crash landings are rough and tumble affairs though. while a "lesser" pilot (again, not that i know *anything* about flying planes!) might focus on the lights and alarms going off all over the instrument panel, the smoke pouring out of the engines, the stuck landing gear, the hole in the fuselage, screaming passengers (well, those who are still conscious anyway) in a rapidly depressurising cabin, the concussed copilot and the persistent thought of "why me?!", a good pilot would focus on scanning the horizon to ascertain the best landing spot available, to control the impact vector and approach as horizontally as possible, to glide/slide upon impact, and generally think about how best to manage the given situation (rather than focus on the situation itself).

methinks 'tis time to clock up a few more hours on the old flight sim.

abort, abort!

not that i know anything about flying combat jet planes... (except the vicarious sorties via the likes of top gun etc :p)

in a dogfight, having gained lock on your bogey, taking too long to fire your weapon gives the enemy a good chance to shake you.

maybe that was where i went wrong. then again, maybe it's not about doing things right or wrong - the "me" isn't really sovereign.

and why am i even talking about it like it's good vs. bad? anyways, there is no more sniping mission. no bank. no desert.

oh wait, the desert is real(ity) - it's still there. i mean, i'm still there. there are just no more mirages.

i don't think i fully feel it yet, but i'm sure it'll catch up to me. maybe when i wake up in the morning.

for now, i'll just try to get a nice, long sleep. no alarms. rest. chill. and try not to think too much :S

Lord, help me to trust in You.

hitching a ride on the gadget express

ever wanted a hi-md minidisc walkman with mp3 support AND a built-in camera? well look no further...! all this convergence stuff is getting a little out of hand i think :o

- - - - -

a shift of my usual tuesday plans resulted in a free night and a chance to take advantage of BCC's current $5 tuesday specials by going to watch hitch with two people who i don't think i've actually ever been to the movies with before. (hmm... that grammar sounds awkward. meh...) wasn't overly sold on hitch beforehand, but found it to be pretty ok in the romance stakes and probably funnier than i expected. bring back the cheap(er) movie prices i say!

actually i don't think my recent diet of rom coms is the best thing to be feeding my mind at the present, but they've all been pretty good! :p it's enough to inspire one to "go skydiving" :)

open louvre

i have been following the current series of my restaurant rules since about the second episode (having never watched the first series), and had been looking forward to checking out the brisbane entry, restaurant louvre.

i had tried to organise a group to go because dining out is always more fun in the company of friends, but i encountered an 80% pike rate with the friends who initially were keen on the uptake. nevertheless, one person stayed true to his word, and together with another late ring-in, our party of three arrived in milton to a small queue - thankfully so because we had feared that getting there too late would mean a 2-3 hour wait for the first lot of customers to finish their meals.

there was some delay getting in, but only because francesca (left) was personally greeting each diner and showing them to their seats - a nice personal touch i thought. and thus we were seated and perusing the menu a half hour after the scheduled opening time. the atmosphere was moderately buzzing, and soon the place was filled to capacity - save one table of 4 (more on that later).

the first waiter who attended to us gave us some recommendations. we only saw him once or twice more the whole evening, but that was fine because the waitress who we did see more of was pretty friendly and chatty. anyway, we decided to start with the harissa and palm sugar cured ocean trout, cucumber sorbet and sea salt tuile. besides not having much of an idea of what this dish would be like (let alone having ever come across some of the words in the name!), i was just a bit non-plussed at just how small a $19.50 appetiser could be when it arrived some 15-20 minutes after ordering... anyhow, we picked at the small mounds of food and were very pleasantly delighted at the reception our taste buds gave to the combination of the trout and the sorbet. who knew cucumber could be made into a sorbet! hehe...

another 20 minutes later and our mains had arrived. by this time, so too had the MRR judges - turns out the spare table was reserved for them. i'm sure this lifted the buzz/atmosphere a notch or three :) but back to our table... our three choices here were (from L-R above) the oven-baked kingfish, fennel puree, lychee and citrus salad, the stockyard short bone rib, red onion tarte tatin and cafe de paris butter, and the moreton bay bug and chorizo risotto, cress and lemon oil. all rather scrumptious and well received by the happy diners (we shared a bit so we could sample as much of the menu as possible). our first side dish (the truffled mash potatoes) was served with the mains, but the other side dishes (the rocket, pear and walnut salad) arrived 10 minutes late (after we chased its whereabouts), and also came with the fork (handle) nestled against the salad itself - i thought this was a bit below par, as one normally expects to use the fork to dig through the salad, not dig through the salad to get at the fork.

earlier in the night i had inquired as to whether francesca would be singing at all, and she indicated she may do requests. not being all that musically cluey, i couldn't really think of what song to request. in the end i settled on "moon river", and she promised she would sing for me after i finish my main course. true to her word, she came by our table as we were thinking about dessert, and gave a little private performance - i had hoped to hear her voice filling the whole restaurant, but hey... a little private session has that personal touch :D i'm not sure if she gets badgered much to sing, but i appreciate her willingness to fulfil my request and to do it all with a smile. unfortunately i didn't manage to get a nice shot of her in action... oh well.

an hour after starting on our mains, we were staring at a vacherin with banana parfait, banana beignet and roasted cinnamon ice cream for dessert, which was again shared for taste testing. the vacherin was already falling off the ice cream by the time it arrived at our table, and you can see from the photo evidence of it having been repositioned (by us) prior to the shot. this was, as with pretty much all of the food we had, quite nice. the only real exception was for the rocket, for which i didn't care much, but then again i've never been into bitter tastes...

our bill arrived shortly after, along with some chocolates, a postcard (complete with a recipe on the back for their signature dish which was way too technical for us culinary simpletons!), and a $30 gift voucher redeemable at a neighbouring beauty salon - this we unanimously consented to leave for the sole female on the table to enjoy :p (i was pretty surprised at the "size" of the complimentary gift... and even though it's not something i could really use myself, receiving it does take a bit of the psychological sting out of our bill). we stayed chatting away while waiting for someone to collect our payment, which none of the staff seemed in any particular hurry to do, and finally left the venue satisfied with an enjoyable night out :)

other miscellaneous thoughts/comments:

• there is quite a mixture of styles of seating, which i found slightly odd. so where you got seated determined your level of comfort (whether your seat has a back, and whether it is cushioned). there is also a communal table in the middle of the main section, so you could well end up sitting next to some complete stranger(s)! could be a good thing, or could be a bit off-putting if you want some privacy/personal space/elbow room...
• the storage unit for the cutlery/linen is quite funky! irregularly shaped surface, with unconventional and stylised knobs. interesting piece. didn't think to get a photo...
• the toilets (which we didn't actually go use/see) are apparently very small/crampy.
• also didn't get to peek at the kitchen, for fear of getting in the way of the staff and tv crew.
• there's another side section which we didn't know about until we left and saw it from the outside! quite separate from the main area, so probably good for more private group dinners etc, but you could also feel cut off from the front.
• forgot to look for the confession booth and record some comments! darn... miss out on my 5 seconds of fame (assuming it would have made it to air :p). now i have to settle for looking for myself in the background when francesca was standing between our table and the cameraman, while talking to the judges table...
• speaking of the cameraman, boy he was literally dripping sweat! must be hot and hard work... :o
• i'd swear that the original pitch for the restaurant included todd in the kitchen, and francesca out front, occasionally singing (for the entertainment of diners). but there's really no dedicated space for her to do this, as far as i can see. this was a bit of a disappointment, as it was part of what i expected of the complete louvre experience.
• the food, while delightful to eat, is rather on the expensive side (if not completely over the border!) maybe i don't fit the market they're targeting, but take away the tv (show) and the novelty factor, and i don't think i'd ever consider dining at a place like this... maybe once every few years at the most, for very very special occasions??
• on a related note, the servings are not what you would describe as "generous". i've heard it said that the food is designed to be consumed as a 3 course meal. that would make it a $70+ per person affair (for food alone) if you all had the full 3 courses and a side.
• it's good having friends to share!
• it's disappointing when they pike.
• i had fun :)
  

oasis

in the desert of reality,
where dreams are but a mirage,
i pray for a miracle...

a banking analogy

it's like waiting in a queue at a bank, and you look up at a teller window, and the person is busy, and the sign says "closed" or "next teller".

then repeat for all possible teller windows within sight.

my advice? don't do your banking here... seriously. i don't think it pays any interest hey?

i should have just gone to sleep early like i keep telling myself i would...

white collar marksman

a running update since my last entry...

• sisters night 2005 - not without its share of problems, gremlins and just good old miscommunication and lack of adequate preparation, but i thought overall the night went reasonably ok with all the boys pulling together playing different roles (and being different "parts of the body") to make it all happen. i think it's safe to say that our guests had an enjoyable and memorable evening, and both us and them should be thankful to our common Lord for the gift of fellowship made possible through the giving of His Son. and i gotta say it was quite a bit of fun getting into the spirit of things with items like the "k-ci & jojo" ripoff (pictured) and our rendition of the "lord of the tight pants" routine (courtesy of some zany folk at kollaboration.org). can't wait to watch the video :p
  
• entering the public service - a fair few people have been asking me how the new job is going. well i haven't really started working yet, in the sense that i'm still only about one-third of the way through my induction/training program. i've started with 7 other recruits, and so far it's been verging on the information overload plus struggling with consciousness during the less mentally stimulating sessions. i gotta say that i do feel the part somewhat, dressed in my "business attire" and with the photo id (technically it's not an id card, just a building pass) on a neck strap and clipped to the shirt ;) am tentatively looking forward to doing some actual work, but not altogether relishing the thought of a full call centre workload. i'm sure i can hang in there long enough to see a good window to climb out of... and make a vertical or horizontal move away from the phones. well, one step at a time. can't complain too much... it's good pay, good conditions and good location - except for the fact that there's about 200+ carparks for a 1000+ employee office, and the only staff carpark available fills up within 15-20 minutes of opening!
  
• pounding the pavement - so i did a bit of walking (from home to work and vice versa) the first few days, before getting in on a very temporary and tenuous parking arrangement with a nearby restaurant... guess i'll just have to take what i can, when i can! it's a bit warm at the moment and i don't particularly like getting hot and sweaty in my business clothes... plus it doesn't help that my shoes aren't really made for a lot of walking. either that, or my feet have been too spoilt by wearing sports shoes almost every day for the last 4 years! so i decided to give my feet a bit of a treat and cover them with a pair of hush puppies :) so far i'm fairly happy with them :D
  
• ironing - bah... 'nuff said. haven't had to do this on a regular basis since 1999... and i fully regard the return to be a retrograde step :p thank goodness for wrinkle-free shirts, of which i have a few. that, plus casual dress fridays... anything to cut down on my need to "dress up" on a daily basis and to iron shirts. don't really see the point, given that the only people who are going to see much of me during the day are my fellow employees, and some/many of them dress down to varying degrees. i think i'll start sliding that way fairly quickly!

ok this has turned out to be a longer post that i originally thought... gotta stop with my serial late nights and get into a better sleeping pattern (ie getting to bed earlier, and thus getting more sleep). one last comment, since some people (ie. the very select few who actually read my posts :p) have asked me how the sniping is going... it's not. it's like i'm walking down a hallway, trying doors left and right to check the rooms beyond the doors for windows. some rooms are window-less. some rooms have windows but a second look shows them to be barred, or otherwise inaccessible/unusable. then there's the odd room with a window that looks like it could be opened. but once i enter and approach the window, it recedes! so bottom line is... no available windows in sight (and i've resolved to not force any windows). so i wait for a good shot. one bullet - use wisely. that's what snipers do.

crumbs... foiled again!

the day passed in a relatively pain-free manner... broken up in the middle by a ~1.75hr lunch at the garden grill restaurant of the glen hotel - the pork fillet with sweet potato and cranberry juice/sauce went down quite nicely :) but, as murphy's law would have it, a flurry of work came to me soon after coming back from lunch... nevertheless i'm now finally finished my "tour of duty" at work, and can look forward to new battlefields ahead. it may mean waking up earlier / being more disciplined with my sleeping habits (which i should do anyway), and it will mean business shirts and ironing (the everyday wearing of which i am not a fan).

- - - - -

sometimes i think of myself as a sniper - not that i *really* know anything about the art and skill involved in being one, and not that i have any desire to kill anyone with a high-powered rifle or similar weapon... this is purely an analogy vehicle, ok? right... disclaimer over :p

i think of myself as a sniper in the sense that sometimes a sniper waits... and waits... and waits... for that perfect shot. or at least a shot that's good enough for them to take, and be confident of making "one shot, one kill". sometimes it might be trying to line up a target, but you can't get a good look so it's a negatory to 'do you have a shot?' other times a target might be lined up in the crosshairs, and you're tracking and tracking, on the verge of pulling the trigger... then last minute someone steps in to block your shot. that's what/how i feel about an incident earlier tonight.

at the risk of stretching the analogy too thin, i've been trying to manoeuvre myself into position for a good shot all week, and kept finding my potentials whittled away due to one factor or another contributing to unsuitability. but then i found a good spot, and tracked my target for a few days, awaiting the actual shot window tonight. and it looked like it could be a good, clean shot. so of course over the last 24 hours or so i've been psyching myself up to pull the trigger, and tonight i was poised and about ready as i'll ever be.

then an unexpected hindrance surfaced, and i lost my shot! that shot could have made this day much more momentous and defining. alas... Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand. (Proverbs 19:21)

there's nothing like...

... a pending move/departure to force you to clean/tidy up :p

i can see a lot more actual desk now!

less than 2 days to go... *tick* *tock*

will be going straight into new job, so no cake-eating break as i had originally hoped. oh well...

only thing is, i think i'm starting to come down with a cold... :S a parting gift from work, perhaps?? :o

the romantic in me

Love at First Sight
a poem by Wislawa Szymborska (originally in Polish)
-translated by Walter Whipple

Both are convinced
that a sudden surge of emotion bound them together.
Beautiful is such a certainty,
but uncertainty is more beautiful.

Because they didn't know each other earlier, they suppose that
nothing was happening between them.
What of the streets, stairways and corridors
where they could have passed each other long ago?

I'd like to ask them
whether they remember-- perhaps in a revolving door
ever being face to face?
an "excuse me" in a crowd
or a voice "wrong number" in the receiver.
But I know their answer:
no, they don't remember.

They'd be greatly astonished
to learn that for a long time
chance had been playing with them.

Not yet wholly ready
to transform into fate for them
it approached them, then backed off,
stood in their way
and, suppressing a giggle,
jumped to the side.

There were signs, signals:
but what of it if they were illegible.
Perhaps three years ago,
or last Tuesday
did a certain leaflet fly
from shoulder to shoulder?
There was something lost and picked up.
Who knows but what it was a ball
in the bushes of childhood.

There were doorknobs and bells
on which earlier
touch piled on touch.
Bags beside each other in the luggage room.
Perhaps they had the same dream on a certain night,
suddenly erased after waking.

Every beginning
is but a continuation,
and the book of events
is never more than half open.

- - - - -

i think this is the version that appears in the movie turn left, turn right which i saw recently. without knowing much about the movie to begin with, i must say that it first appealed, then took a firm grip on the romantic in me. and despite some cliches, corniness, and suspension of reality along the way (which is not to say that the movie was without its share of nice touches - the opening umbrella scene is a beautiful image, as is a similar picture at the end), didn't let go for the whole movie... (i wonder if it hasn't got a hook or two left in me still!)



what can i say? but to sigh wistfully and gaze off into the distance?

part of the vcd cover promo says that "你盼望著的那個人, 原來一直活在你的左右". although it's not quite the same scenario as the movie (ok ok it's really nowhere near the same scenario - the only real similarities are that there is a guy, there is a girl, and there is a hint or maybe a hope of two parallel lines touching...), i think 这个真理我好像已经了解了，现在只等机会和她见个面，聊了天，提出我们两人之间的未来...

if only it were that easy!

- - - - -
there are a lot of connotations and perhaps implied understandings when words and phrases like "fate", "destiny", and "love at first sight" are bandied about. let me just say that i don't necessarily subscribe to the contemporary/popular understandings of these words in full, though i haven't (yet) completely discarded them from my vocabulary. clarifications available upon application ;)

convicted... and pardoned :)

the story of YF brothers day 2005...

thank you YF sisters :)

- - - - -

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. (Romans 8:1-2, ESV)

- - - - -

"We must rest ourselves upon his power; we must be confident of this, that Christ can make us clean. No guilt is so great but that there is a sufficiency in his righteousness to atone for it; no corruption so strong, but there is a sufficiency in his grace to subdue it." (quote from I don't know where... but came across it just now and thought it was a good fit!)

it's with a note of resignation that i say...

see you later alligator!

i'm officially out of here... or will be after another 10 (working) days.

they say a change is as good as a holiday, but i'm hoping to have my cake and eat it too :) greedy aren't i? haha.

well, see how lor...

what is it with these tv programming people?

after going for a stretch earlier this year where i didn't watch tv for days on end, ratings season is back. and with it, some of my old favourites... along with a few new contenders!

so i went out last night to catch up with a friend who i haven't caught up with for months and months, and there's 4 hours of tv on at night that i want to see, 3 of which run one after the other, and the fourth is smack bang in the middle on a different channel. fortunately the middle hour show is repeated a few days later, so figure i can tape it then, and do a bit of juggling of stations and start/end times with the vcr programming (since the shows never seem to start or end on time!) with the other 3 hours. too easy.

imagine my extreme displeasure when i discover today that one of the shows (er - which i've been following for years) had an unadvertised double episode! which of course means my vcr wasn't set to record the second hour... grrr...

- - - - -

anyways, while watching the latest episode of the amazing race, i kinda felt for the sisters who toiled some 8 hours on the final task without luck, a hurdle which led to their elimination from the race. they seemed like nice people (which is more than i can say for many of the other contestants). i guess that sometimes things just don't work out the way you want them to. i can identify with the waiting... and frustration... as others come by and seem to get their bit done with a minimum of fuss or bother, while you toil without success and watch on in dismay.

yesterday i was waiting. today, half the wait is over. i feel a lot of relief and pump-your-fist-in-the-air YEAH!!!ness. but let's not get too carried away just yet :)

still... it's not too early to say 'thank you God', for he is good. all the time :D

the elegant dress of error

"Error never shows itself in its naked reality, in order not to be discovered. On the contrary, it dresses elegantly, so that the unwary may be led to believe that it is more truthful than truth itself." (Irenaeus of Lyons—2nd Century A.D.)

chinese new year songs ringing in my head

well actually just one song, cos it's the only one i seem to be able to recall!

i ate too much, but am much contented... at least temporarily ;)

anyways, happy chinese new year, if you are one to 'celebrate' the event :)

- - - - -

this year of the rooster, i'm going for it.

tbc (maybe).

approaching the jordan

40 nights ago, i started wearing a piece of wire around my wrist. over these past few weeks there have been those who enquired about my new and unusual bit of "fashion". to most i gave a vague or diversionary reply... those who probed further may have been told that it does have some significance/meaning, and is symbolic of something.

40 nights ago, i made a vow. actually it was three vows - one primary, two secondary. the secondaries didn't last... (though they have since been addressed by something even better). the primary stood, and stands still.

40 nights ago, i decided (or should that read "the HS convicted me" :p) that something(s) needed to change... needed to stop. doing so would be good for me, good for (my relationship with) God, and good for a third person. whether any further good is to follow, i know not. but i know these past 40 days/nights have been intrinsically worthwhile.

40 nights ago, i sighted a river to cross.

this night i have reached its banks. only with God's help can i cross to the other side... IF indeed the land there is my canaan.

the river is wide, and the water still flowing.

ill-logical

(lest anyone errantly conclude that i'm a frequent consumer of hollywood tabloidism, let me just clarify that i came across this bit of "news" via an information security mailing list :p)

so paris hilton has her blackberry hacked and the perp is reading her emails, and a someone (the source of this news) had this to say about it: "She was pretty upset about it. It's one thing to have people looking at your sex tapes, but having people reading your personal e-mails is a real invasion of privacy."

what i want to know is, what's so "ok" about people having a front row seat to your sexual activities - how is that *not* an invasion of privacy??!! but i suppose that there are some in this world of ours who perhaps have no qualms with exhibitionism... and perhaps those who make such tapes never really intend for them to stay all that private...

*wince*

there's nothing like a bout of tangible, tense-your-muscles, squirm-in-your-seat physical pain and discomfort to take your mind off the emotional kind. i had my dad work some of his skills on my back and neck earlier tonight - apparently i have a couple of lumps in my neck which are giving me trouble. and the bonus prize is i'm probably going to be sore for the next few days??!! hrm....

- - - - -

i hate the way i've been feeling the last couple of days. it's not a new sensation, just one that recurs every now and then. i hate the dejection and self-doubt that creeps in as a result of the way (i perceive) i am treated by a certain person. i feel like i want to give up. give in. throw my hands in the air in exasperation and walk away, never to return.

but i can't. or maybe i'm just not willing to. not now... not yet.

it hurts because i care. perhaps too much so.

thus am i compelled to persevere.

忍

if it all works out in the end it will be worth it.

if it doesn't, i think i need to know that at least i tried my best. the rest is in God's hands.

- - - - -

on a more positive note, i found out today that i'm into the final straight with my last major job application. it's a "don't go quitting your present job yet, but you'll be getting an offer pending some final integrity checks" type of deal. final result still some weeks away, but boy am i glad to see some light in that there tunnel... i just hope it's the exit ;)

1 down, 4 to go...

well... 4 more that i *know* of at the moment anyway! who knows if any others might pop up during the year! it's bringing to mind the "wedding march" of some 16 months ago - actually looking back at that entry, i was having trouble remembering who one of those couples mentioned is in real life! shocking memory of mine... *sigh*

anyways. saturday was a fairly full on day, running here and there and generally occupied with one thing or another. it was warm, and the decision to ditch my suit jacket was a quick one. the wedding itself was nice, lots of smiles all round. i saw her again, and this time there was recognition and even a brief "hey", but that was about the extent of our interaction. the reception was held at a function centre, with the actual catering done by the groom's family (and friends?) - mostly indian fare which is a change from most wedding dinners i've attended!

3 months till the next in the queue... :)

"calculating corporate marketing science"?

call me a cynic, but there's something about this article (A symphony of giving, but the trumpet blowing's a bit overdone) that strikes a chord about all the supposed altruism and philanthropy that's been going around and widely reported. i didn't watch the concert/telethon, but i did watch the special one day cricket match a few days later. sure enough, there was plenty of trumpet blowing there too.

food for thought...

opportunity cost... investment of time

so i missed out on round two of the feast and fireworks fest by the crew with too much money to burn. not because i couldn't go, but because i chose not to. not because i didn't want to, but because there was something else i wanted to do. the quality of company wins out over good food or entertainment any day :) and i guess i do see the time i spent as an investment - making a small deposit which may not be very substantial or special in any other way, but which if the investment pays off will be worth every single cent.

although... it wasn't all that black and white. i did get to see the fireworks away from the others (and actually much closer to the source) - pity it was raining and rather windless, which meant i struggled to take decent pics through the car windscreen (or risk getting the camera too wet), and that the smoke hung around a lot more rather than dissipating. and my family brought back some of the leftovers from dinner, so i get to sample the fare too :p

hey this is almost sounding like a win-win scenario! lol... (pun and hidden meaning entirely intended, not that anybody else reading this would have much of an idea what i'm going on about! oh well... when i look back in 5 years' time maybe i'll smile a wistful smile at this... hehe)

drop in the ocean

after more than a week of relative ignorance and shelteredness (i don't tend to get/seek much in the way of news, be it local or global), and tossing up doing something about the damage wreaked by the quake/tsunamis, i've finally decided to give to/via samaritan's purse. it may only be a drop, but it's a basic building block of an ocean.

other channels you may wish to consider if you're so inclined:

• World Vision
• Tear Australia

of course there are other well known relief/charity organisations out there, but i'm talking about the wrapping of the gospel in a sandwich... or blanket... or bandaid etc.

fresh beginnings?

another year gone... and it is with some relief that i say goodbye to 2004 - in some (perhaps many?) it has been a rather tumuluous annus horribilis. then again i'm reminded that the passing of one year to the next is no different from any of the other 364 ticks of the clock from 23:59:59 to 00:00:00 of a typical calendar year. i'd be a fool to think that the days ahead will be any better, based merely on the premise that the least significant digit in the year has advanced by one.

time to leave the past behind, though not forgetting the lessons learnt and mistakes to avoid repeating. the scars will stay, but the sins have been forgiven in and through Christ. it's time for a new day, a new morning...

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."
-- Lamentations 3:22-24